Friday, February 8, 2013

going strong

Three days and complete happiness. Thank you prayer warriors, kind words from thoughtful friends, and not judging me. Thank you Jesus for the power to overcome this funk I was in. I know through ceaseless praying and focusing on all the positive things in my life I will be myself in no time at all. Today is yet another snow day. We were out of snow days up here in this wintry northern climate. Which means the kiddos get one more day tacked on to complete the required school days. One summer day lost. Bummer. I guess my memory is clouded with June weather in Texas because my friends tell me it will be okay cuz it's not even that warm yet in June. Are you kidding me??? :) Alright, I'll regress. The kiddos can stay in school one more day. We finally got a decent amount of snow, as you probably figured out since we have a "snow day". We have been taking advantage of all sorts of snowy fun such as sledding until the cold snow goes up our back. Multiple times. Building snowmen. Eating white snow (have to remind Kylie of this seeing we have a puppy now). I hope to maybe make a fort today or spray the snow multiple colors with colored water. OR both. Who knows. Whatever we do it will be fun. Thank you Lord for this extra day to snuggle, bake, giggle, and play with my kiddos while school is definetly not in session.

Monday, February 4, 2013

coffee date

Taken a cue from a blogger that I follow  I have decided to have a virtual coffee date with the handful of friends who read here.

If we were to have coffee I would offer you a variety of flavors that I have on hand for my new Keurig I got for Christmas.  I must say that being the only coffee drinker in my household it is perfect and I don't waste a single drop anymore.  

And we would most likely talk about the weather and how bitter cold it and how we hardly have any snow and how much we are looking forward to some springlike weather and some flowers bursting up through the about 6-8 weeks.  Until then we will hibernate some more.

And when the weather talk would end I would probably open my heart up a bit and get a bit honest.  I would let you in on how my heart aches for my former life and how many times I have had to hold in the tears as my children talk about how much they too miss specific parts of their Texas life. I would tell you the things which are so much easier to write then to say out loud.

I would tell you much much I miss the busy-ness of my life in Texas.  How much my heart aches for my wonderful Texas friends, how much my soul cries out to find a church that was like CrossPoint. One that is filled to the brim with love for the Lord.  When I was a member there I never once feared that my children would stray from the Lord.  I knew they would grow up with a wonderful group of Christian friends who shared their Love for Christ.  They would always be together and experience their childhood with these same friends and have a strong bond with the older teens.  My kiddos went to an amazing school that was involved with the children and one where the parents were heavily involved.  There were so many opportunities for our children.  And for us.  
And now we live in this town where I question every single day as to why we were brought back here and what purpose do we have in this town?  Were we being led by Satan or by God.  I worry constantly about my children and pray constantly that they leave this town, go to college, and make something of themselves.  And I pray without ceasing that somehow they always have the love of God in their hearts and that they lead a life that would be pleasing to Him.  Because right now, right here, I fear that in the coming years church is going to be boring to them.  Church will not get them excited.  Why would it when they are the only children there?  When no one wants to step out of the small box they are contained in to bring in some new fresh ideas?  Why would they when even us, Danny and I, are not getting our "tanks filled up"?  And it is so hard to look for a church that follows what the bible says and provides for the adults and for the children.  Oh how I miss CrossPoint.

If we were sitting down over coffee right now, I would ask you to pray with me for my heart to settle. To find contentment. And to discern the Lord’s leading. 

If we were having coffee together this morning, after that heavy moment, I’d probably point out something silly like how I really need to take down Kylie's streamers from her birthday and how I need to start weaning Drew off his pacifier and how I can't find Hannah's ballet slippers even though she has dance class tonight.

I'd also want to tell you how I am trying to decide between going back to Honduras this summer or sending my kiddos to Michigan Christian Youth Camp (MCYC) as the two overlap each other.  Each other tugs at my heart so incredibly much that I cannot decide.  Honduras is forever in my heart and I have big dreams of future involvement in Campamento that includes my whole family.  However, MCYC holds many memories for me as a child and I would love my children to experience them as well.  But are they old enough?  Maybe Hannah but I am not sure about Kylie.  So I go 'round and around with it.  At this point I would ask you to please pray for me to seek out what God desires of me and my children and to listen.

At some point in our coffee date, it would probably come up that I’ve  been wanting to start running and attempt a half marathon with my sister-in-law Autumn in May.  And I would laugh because it has been way too icy and cold to even think about running.  On the upside, it should be getting to be spring soon so hopefully it will warm up a bit for me to at least jog a bit to start training.

If we are still sipping our coffee or on our second cup I would want to stop talking and start listening because that I am better at that.  

Well, I hope you enjoyed our virtual coffee date.  It felt good to open my heart up and spill out some things that have been weighing heavily on it.  I know this life will not always be sunshine and roses and that some days will indeed have some gloomy clouds with a bit of thunder but I pray earnestly that I listen to God I would tell you what I know – that Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” And I believe it. I believe that the Lord will actually assign desires to my heart, and then fulfill those desires He has given to me.  And that this life will start to make sense.

Thank you my friends for this lovely coffee date.