Monday, June 18, 2012

confusing times

My great friend who I adore stated today that "Our God is not a God of confusion".  How true that is.  It is our own selfish desires, our own "what ifs", and our own motives that get in the way of His Way.  

My family has a huge life changing decision that is weighing on us heavily. We have an opportunity to be able to move closer to family, back to Michigan.  However, I am torn.  Things aren't that great here, financially wise.  We haven't had health insurance for the last four years.  Danny has not received a pay raise since he first started on the department four years ago.  And as it stands today won't be for at least two to three years.  They top out at ten years.  That would be *maybe three years of possible pay raises.   And I keep repeating to myself:  Isn't God enough?  Shouldn't we trust in Him to provide?  
We came to Texas for Danny to pursue his dream job and to find a wonderful loving supportive church and for more oppurtunites for our children.  We found all of the above.  We have been so incredibly blessed with an awesome church family.  I love all of them sooo much!!!!  We have a close young family group who we do quite a few things with, a wonderful youth group, and many, many friends.  I have been able to pursue my dream and go to Honduras this past March and I am forever grateful for that opportunity.  I love the little town we stayed at and will forever hold those life changing memories in my heart.  I can't wait to go back and love on the people again.  
But yet, Michigan comes into play.  Should we go?  The job comes with pay raises, health insurance, closer to family, and lower living expenses.  We lose an awesome church family and our children lose their closest friends and their youth group.  The church we would be attending will be very, very small with no young families, not very many children, etc.  It is a small town which I would look forward to, in some ways.  Life would be different there that is for sure.  Where we go to splash parks, water parks, zoos, malls, amusement parks,  museums, ball games, etc here in Texas,  we would be going for walks, bike rides, parks, the beach, boating, fishing, hunting, etc in Michigan.  
Our life here is very much church-focused.  We are very involved in our church and the youth groups and I crave that.  Always have.  I am very afraid we will lose that.  We will lose our passion.  We will lose our focus.   Yes, we gain health insurance and closer to family.  But is it worth it?  Shouldn't God be enough?  Shouldn't we trust in Him to provide?  Shouldn't we trust our hearts enough to tell us the answer?  I am so confused.  Please pray for our family.