Thursday, October 18, 2012

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I'm in a rut. I'm unmotivated.  I'm lazy.  I'm not feeling creative. And I just don't care.  I feel like giving up.  On something.  On everything.  I don't feel inspired by anything.  I see the pretty trees.  I know I would love to get some beautiful shots of them.  Of my kids.  Of the water.  Of the sky.  Do I?  No.  I don't.  I forced myself to take the kids to the woods yesterday after school.  We were there a total of fifteen minutes.  I was done.  I was over it.  My middle child was crying and screaming as we trudged our way back to the van.  It was not a pleasant experience.  She was overtired.  Drew was tired.  Hannah was hungry.  I was exhausted. From doing nothing.  It was not the outings I remember from a few months back.  I am content staying at home in my p.j.'s all day long.  I am content watching t.v., playing with the kiddos, watching the kiddos play, and surfing the internet.  Looking at everybody's life and all that they are doing and comparing it to my own dull, uneventful life.  There is just nothing to do.  I am home all day with my kids and the kiddos I babysit for which I like doing.  But there are no fun kid activities I can take them to.  No one to meet up with for a playdate.  Danny works all the time.  And I'm just not interested in doing anything.  I miss Texas.  I miss my Texas friends like crazy.  I miss being me.  Being upbeat, motivated, energy-filled, happy, laughing.  Lately, I've been tired and cranky.  I told Danny my body desperately misses all the Vitamin D Texas supplied me with.  It's been gloomy, cloudy, and rainy here lately.  I just miss my old life.  My life that was filled with playdates, church activities, outings, and fun.  I know it will get better.  It has too.  But for now, I'm sulking.  I'm bored.  I'm lazy.  And I'm very much unmotivated.  Pray for me my friends.

5 notes:

bethany said...

I am not letting you cancel the Beth More study again!! We are very similar and especially this journey of moving, leaving a life we loved, to pursue other things. We are needed and our influence in this town may be why we are here. Have you tried Redwood on the weekends? They have waterslides now! Pretty cool! Want to set up weekly or bi weekly play dates? Maybe art dates!
Let's make a stand! Everything you wrote were my worst fears about moving. Before I moved, I wrote a list of all the things I wanted to accomplish if I moved. If I gave up on those things, or accepted less, then I would know I needed to change something!

Our kids will get along great. Let's check the weather for the weekend and make some plans!!

Amy said...

I won't I promise! And yes, please, lets get some playdates going. I need adult interaction and my kiddos would love to have some playdates as well. I plan to get a membership to a hotel for the pool and perhaps the community center. I need to get out and have some fun. Thanks girl! I'm glad you listened and reacted. :)

Anonymous said...

Amy, I have related to so many of the things you've went through it's crazy...from living in Texas worrying about our husbands and missing family and now...moving and living in a very small town!! Last Winter I had a HARD time in Maine! I missed my friends, all the fun outings for my kids, the sun, my church. Everything. I gained 20ish pounds bc I was depressed. I started to run on the treadmill, it was my outlet to spend just 30-40 mins on myself. I don't think I would have made it through winter if I wouldn't have started running. This winter I also plan to take Vit D (as silly as it sounds) there are still days that I long for my old lifestyle. But I KNOW God brought us to here for a reason. I did pray that he would place us where he wanted us whether that was Laredo or Maine =) And I always remind myself to "be content in my circumstances" all that rambling to say...hang in there mama, you have went through a huge change and it will take some time to adjust. Many prayers your way!

Bethany said...

Thank you for being honest with your feelings. It is comforting to know that others struggle. Not because I want you to be having a hard time, but because I know that I am not alone ... and you are not alone either! Moving. Is. Hard. I only moved 20 minutes way and that has been hard. You are such a wonderful mother. having ruts and hard days are allowed, just don't let them define who you are.

As I read your words, I was reminded of the word of President Thomas S. Monson, the leader of the church which I belong to. He spoke recently in a worldwide conference and his words spoke so directly to me. I hope that they can give you the same comfort. Here is a link to the talk.

You are wonderful, Amy! Hang in there!

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