Sunday, April 5, 2009

BLESSINGS

**Sorry, this is one that is NOT about the kids....just some personal reflection for myself! Read if ya want to.

I am so blessed. I don't even know why. I am not that spectacular, that gorgeous, that gifted,that rich. But here I am at the age of 29 and I am so incredibly blessed that I am amazed. I was lying in bed and I had to hop out to write this. Never mind the computer was shut down for the night. I HAD to write this. I am sure it will not be as great as it was the whole time I ran it through my head but my fingers are already doing the work and I feel my heart feeling happier.....

Blessed. That is my word for my life. And why? Why me? Why did God chose to have me born into such a loving warm family and bestow this gift of salvation unto my life?? I am still battling that one. Sure, I had a good childhood. Sure, I had a couple of good friends throughout my childhood. Sure, I had good enough clothes. Sure, my family took good enough vacations. But for me to be handed this gift, this life, this salvation....that is awesome. I am not sure still as to how I got here but here I am. Living my life. Loving my life.

Don't get me wrong. I am still scaling mountains. Boy am I ever. I have my obstacles. I have my ups and downs every day. But still. How can I even start to complain when I have the life I have. The life God himself bestowed upon me??? I am so grateful for my family who has chosen to show me, to teach me to follow God on this narrow pathway. And for me to choose a mate who is so dedicated to Christ is a blessing all in itself.

My husband, Danny. I can't even begin to tell you how blessed I am to have him. To have found him. He is the most loving, compassionate, and giving person I know. I love him with all my heart. And for him to show his love to me the way he does....it takes my breath away. Together we have grown closer to each other, closer to God. He is my husband and I thank God every day for choosing him for me. And our children. "Our Children". I love the sound of that. He is the best Dad to our little girls. I am so blessed! He is such a great Dad and he is getting better at being a role model for them. As am I. Who knew that raising children would help reshape your own life? Your own goals? Your own ambitons? Your own faith??

And on to my children. BLESSED doesn't even begin to cover it. To have God trust us with these two little girls.....wow. That is amazing. To be responsible for two little human beings that look up to you and model everything you do.....that is a huge responsibility. So far, I have done a ton of growing up. Yup. Me. Growing up while raising kids. I think I am doing an okay job. But it hit me today while at church that my children are watching my heart. My Heart. So I looked deeper at my heart. Is it something I want my children to bear? Is it pure? Is Jesus at home in my heart? I think so. At times.....like I said I have mountains to climb. Obstacles to overcome.

Just the other day Hannah and I were shopping. Just strolling down the aisle. You know what she busts out singing? Jesus Loves Me. Just like that. No embarrassment. No timidness. Just Pure Childlike Faith. Sure, I have read about childlike faith. Sure, I have even sung about childlike faith. But to hear it? See it first hand? Believe it? Breathtaking. Makes a Mama proud and Humble. Makes a Mama search her own heart for that childlike fatih. Do I possess it? Do I possess that type of faith? That type of love where I could sing about MY love for my JESUS to anyone? To not be ashamed? To not have any doubts? I would like to think so. I am going to MAKE SURE I DO. You know that song "1, 2, 3 Jesus loves me?........8,9 a mansion is mine"??? Well, if not I will sing it for you. Anyhoo, I sing that to my girls. Along with a dozen other christian songs. And it got me thinking.....I NEED to have that love, to have that faith,to have that childlike faith, to know my path is secure on that narrow path. To know that salvation is mine. To have on God's Armour all day long. Because if I don't then I AM A HYPOCRITE TEACHING TO MY CHILDREN. MY OWN CHILDREN. And I am not about that!

I have been blessed by being born into a world where God is allowed. Where worshiping him is allowed. Where praying is allowed. Where my children do not need to be afraid to express their love for him in a shopping center. Yes, I am blessed. But am I pure as snow? Do I have a heart that belongs to God? Am I ready to stand up and fight for my Lord? These are the mountains I am climbing. These are the ones I am scrambling up, running to reach the top and shout HIS praises for all to hear. Because if I don't WILL my own children's childlike faith fade into the background? Will they stumble on their own rocks? Will they look at me with doubt in their eyes? Will they realize that even though I am trying I am failing IF I allow myself to be persuaded, to jump for my own selfish sins? My own selfish wants? My own selfish, stupid choices that in the end will destroy me? NO. I will scramble up those mountains with God as my Leader and I WILL conquer those temptations and be as white as snow. I will have childlike faith. I will conquer. I will choose the path that is less taken. That narrow path my own parents are leading me down. That path my christian family is leading me down. Where salvation waits. Glory be to God.

1 notes:

Megan said...

I love this Amy! I am beyond blessed myself, praise the Lord!

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