Friday, November 19, 2010

Stream of Conscience

So, some of you may know, some may not...but with every marriage there are going to be ups and downs.  And right now Danny and I are trying to come out of a down.  Its just hard.  Real hard.  Especially when our priorities are completely different.  I will not go into details about the what or the when or the who but just know we are working on moving forward. Together.

I read a blog the other day and it spoke right to me.  It was about "faking it till you make it".  Amazing insight.  Basically this couple was having a rough time as well and well, they faked it till they made it.  Two of the exercises they were to do were was to start  by holding hands for one whole week..especially at the times when you did not want to be.  The next week they were to hug...and hold on for at least 30 seconds.  Again, especially at the times when you really did not feel like being by your husband.  Sounds simple to married couples who have not looked at their spouse with disgust, resentment, anger, etc.  Believe me though, it could be tough.  We have not done the experiment, I am not 100% sure we should not do it, though I don't think we are that broken.  But the closeness it might bring us, the renewing and opening of our love, the "totally in love with you" feelings its suppose to bring....that might be nice.  And when I think of showing my affection to Danny...well, I have my reserves.  Sometimes I don't feel like he deserves it....its the resentment again speaking.  So ya, maybe we should try this exercise.  Who knows?  Maybe it would help us understand each other better if we felt "more in love". 

I do believe that if we don't look to God first to please than other areas in our life will suffer.  Mainly relationships.  We need to come to God and satifsty Him first to succeed elsewhere.  I do know I should not sweat the small stuff and have great grace for my husband.  I know this.  Its the doing part I have a hard time with.  I know there is always going to be something that Danny will do to bug me, and I just need to have great grace for him.  And likewise, I am sure I do things that annoy the snot of Danny but again, he does show great grace for me. 
There is a scripture I have been repeating to myself lately and I am amazed at how it has transformed my communication with Danny:
"A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger". Proverbs 15:1  
I know thru this I need to honor and respect Danny and through that he will honor and respect me.  All the while looking to God to please him.  I am not here to please Danny, but the Lord.  And doing so, will indeed make my marriage perfect, in God's eyes.  And I am learning to trust his heart and know that sometimes he means no harm when he says something or does something and I take it the wrong way.  Again, I am working a lot on this.  It is a life long lesson...one that doesn't end but always improve.  Hopefully. 

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